When B.A.P debuted as a whole entity last January, they came to us K-Pop fans as aliens from Planet Mato, set to conquer Earth and the human race with their music in order to capture the screams of all our fangirls to power their planet. That concept may have only been for their reality show, “Ta-Dah! It’s B.A.P.” However, I remain convinced that the six Best Absolute Perfect boys are, indeed, aliens from another planet, and here is my evidence to prove it.
Bang Yongguk
Bang Yongguk may not be the fiercest Mato warrior who only watches war movies to find the answers to life (if I were to venture a guess, his ideal movie would probably be a Frank Ocean documentary). But he’s definitely a fighter. Making his way up from the underground circuit as Jepp Blackman to the big leagues as B.A.P’s leader, Yongguk has had the most time out of any of his groupmates to adapt to the human idol industry. Yet he remains delightfully awkward in front of the cameras, especially when it comes to showing some aegyo, and will even shy away from the cameras, as if afraid that it will give something away about his true identity. Fans praise him for being the group’s songwriter and producer, but freestyling is certainly not his forte. Perhaps it’s some extra testosterone or alien DNA that lends him that sexy voice, or the fact that he didn’t utter words until he was five years old, but Yongguk’s slow speech and poor English pronunciation surely hinder his freestyle rap abilities. But not to worry. Give him a pen, paper, and some time to use that alien brain of his, and you’ll get quality raps for hit songs. Otherwise, you can just go gaga over his unworldly deep voice and shockingly long neck with collarbones that stick so far out that they can catch a pool of water.
Kim Himchan
Himchan arrived on Earth as the commander of the Mato warriors and the main contact for their Mato governor. You may wonder why this title wasn’t given to the leader of the group, Bang Yongguk, but then it all makes sense when you stare into Himchan’s eyes. His “death stare,” coupled with his strikingly beautiful face, earned him recognition as an ulzzang prior to his official debut, but rather than his otherworldly beauty, the most alien thing about him is the fact that he majors in traditional Korean music. Now, I was an orchestra nerd myself, so I can say that there were some hidden gems amongst the music department. But I don’t think I’d be too wrong in saying such cuties were of a rare breed. Unless the traditional Korean music department is not as dorky as I imagine it to be, I remain baffled as to how an ulzzang ended up there. Nonetheless, we have Himchan, who has been called a musical genius and is actually so good at playing traditional Korean instruments like the janggu and daegeum that he graduated from the National Korean Traditional Music High School at seventeen with a full scholarship to the Korea National University of Arts. However, he has also admitted that he did pay close attention to his superior physical appearance during his school days. There have been rumors that he was cast as a trainee after only a five-minute meeting with the CEO, and while this may have been exaggerated, I wouldn’t be surprised, seeing as he had gotten offers through street casting from other entertainment companies earlier on in his high school career.
Jung Daehyun
Daehyun’s debut on Earth was one shrouded in mystery, as he was often seen wearing a mask and quietly observing the other members. On the rare occasions where he did speak, he would often cut it short with a simple “No comment,” which became his catchphrase for some time. Once Daehyun moved past this phase, I realized that the mask actually hid his alien qualities. With the mask gone, he’s not only free to speak nonstop and show off his cute
satoori accent, but he is also free to eat all the food that comes into his line of sight. Jongup gets free McDonald’s on a
Gurupop show? Daehyun is caught sneaking some fries. Hanging out with their
Secret sunbaenims backstage with free platters of food? Forget the girls, Daehyun has the munchies. But I guess he needs his fuel in order to power that voice of his, especially if he’s going to challenge
IU’s octaves. The mystery is how this Busan
Won Bin manages to stay so thin. As my final answer, I’m going to go with an alien metabolism.
Yoo Youngjae
Apologies in advance if you Babyz find this offensive, but Youngjae had to have been the least fortunate member in the looks department upon debut. I mostly attribute it to that double whammy of bad hair color choice and bad haircut. The blonde just doesn’t work for him. Little did I know that he would have this superhuman capability to completely change my opinion about him. He started out as the super polite, well-mannered brain of the group. Whether he really does have a higher IQ than the rest of the members remains to be determined, but he has shown that he has the wit and personality required to do well on variety shows. thus beginning the gradual process of winning over the fans. Add to that his much improved image and his recognition as an idol whose face closely fits the golden ratio, and, oh yeah, his amazing voice and love for R&B music, and before you know it, you are questioning just who your B.A.P bias really is. In K-Pop, this phenomenon is known as bias ruining, so it might not be that out of this world. Nonetheless, I find this power over the fans’ hearts a bit spooky. Who knows? Perhaps all bias ruiners are from another planet.
Moon Jongup
He may be on the silent side, but he is rather deadly. I’m talking about B.A.P’s happy virus, Moon Jongup. In their reality show, he was usually seen running errands or exercising, all with a big ol’ smile on his sweet face. He is known as a member who doesn’t have much going on upstairs, so if he does decide to say something, it will usually make the other members laugh. Fellow member Youngjae even said that Jongup is the most popular amongst the alien population because he is the most alien-like. And it’s a good thing the other members acknowledge his alien nature because imagine if they really had condoned his idea of an introduction: “We’re B.A.P, who are heavier than dumbbells. We’re B.A.P, who are faster than the treadmill.” Well, he might not be the brightest crayon in the box then, but everyone has their specialty. Jongup takes up the role of dance machine and muscle of the group, but before you ladies get too excited, keep in mind that he is still a minor, at least by Korean standards. If it makes you feel any better though, even the CEO will sometimes forget that he is the second maknae and clump him in with the rest of his hyungs while treating Zelo like a baby. He may still be a boy on Earth, but with his alien DNA lending him a face and body like that of a man, I guess some noona feels are in good order.
Zelo
I don’t even know where to begin with the genius child known as Zelo. His real name is Choi Junhong, and he is a super maknae in more ways than one. In fact, he’s not even human nor is he a native of Planet Mato. The boy is actually a robot created by Bang Yongguk, and that really isn’t hard to believe. Have you ever met a 16-year-old like him? Not only can he rap faster than an LTE connection and dance like there’s no tomorrow, he’s also loyal to his hyung and his creator. He often cites Bang Yongguk as someone he looks up to because of his rapping and composing abilities, and he will sometimes even get nervous around him, as if he is afraid he will disappoint the leader. The boy tries real hard to impress us with his skills on stage, but at the end of the day, you realize he really is a quirky kid who loves to skateboard and tries to keep scorpions and frogs as pets. I’m still waiting for the day that he will finally let loose a little bit and become the evil maknae who will expose all his hyungs’ secrets.
Case dismissed! B.A.P is clearly a group of aliens on a mission. Not convinced or have more evidence to present? Comment below!
